Florida's Daughter

Breast Cancer!

Posted on: August 16, 2009

On July 27, 2009, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma … breast cancer. I still cannot believe that I have cancer. Like so many other things that can happen, a cancer diagnosis is something that happens to other people.

It all began when my July 3rd annual mammogram revealed a lump in my left breast. Most recently, I also found out that I am positive for the BRCA 2 gene mutation, a big reason behind why I have cancer. The gene mutation also makes me highly susceptable to get breast cancer again and to get ovarian cancer.

Now I’m scheduled to get a double mastectomy, perhaps as soon as next Tuesday, August 25, 2009.

I’m scared … I want very badly to heal and get on with my life. But there are so many unanswered questions: What will I look like after the swelling and bruising goes away? How will what I look like affect my self-esteem? While I’m healing will we have enough money to pay for the doctor visits and prescriptions? Will my decision to sever my breasts and remove my ovaries ultimately save my life or regret that I allowed my breasts to be surgically removed?

Today we went to the grocery store where we attempted to buy the least expensive, yet most nutritional foods we could afford. On the way home I begin thinking about how I’m going to have to allow my gym membership to elapse, how I’m going to have to close my checking account because nothing’s going into it for awhile, and how much I miss Molly. The tears were flowing …

Funny thing about my Molly. I’ve been silently grieving her death since Memorial Day when she passed, but I’ve already realized that if she were still alive I wouldn’t be able to physically handle her once I’ve had surgery.

When things get better I hope to get another lab, re-open my Wells Fargo account, and reinstate my gym membership. I will hired as a middle school English teacher, and I’ll move into my own classroom. I will continue to write. I will find the lesson in the middle of this storm. This will happen for me, for us! I just have to really keep focused on undergoing these surgeries, getting well and moving on with my life.

Florida’s Daughter

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